On this healing journey, I’ve had many times of feeling like I’d fallen backwards into the mess and madness of what I thought I had overcome. The truth of it is, your body gets very used to being a certain way. More to the point, your mind does too. There are times it will be harder to feel these changed happening inside. But don’t loose hope. Keep telling yourself the truth of how far you’ve come. Don’t allow one bad day to erase all the good you’ve done in one good year. Part of this comes down to #Trust. Ultimately, we have to decide we trust ourselves enough to have a bad day, and not throw the baby out with the bathwater and give in and go to the wine shop, the bakery, or whatever your vice is. Instead, we need to take these times as a cue. Our body is saying, “I’ve been used to far”. This is always my cue to slow down. To meditate. To write. To pray. To create. To do what makes me feel at peace. I remind myself that this day is just trying to test me. That each test makes me more sure then I was before. And, that every day, I’m getting better and better. I don’t want you to all think that just because I’ve healed so much, that I don’t have struggles. That would be a lie. That would also be unrealistic. We do live in a real world. With real hurricanes, real politics, real bad choices other people make, and we are effected by those things. But we can also effect the choices WE make. By choosing how we react to fearful news. By choosing how we respond to stressful events or situations. We start retraining our brain, every time we choose to breathe deeply instead of scream. This is my truth. This is where I stand. This is me, healing one breath at a time.
One of the healing things I’ve done for myself is allow myself to create. I created the above picture of myself at a healthy weight (I WILL GET BACK THERE) meditating, which is truly one of my most favorite things to do now. I allow my imperfection in art, to become a thing of beauty that I can be proud of. It seriously helps retrain this #perfectionist mindset.
What is something that you do to retrain your mindset you are trying to break free from? What choices do you make, moment by moment to bring joy into every day life?